Tonejumpoff

A commonly used editing device in films is the smash cut. A smash is a technique where one scene abruptly cuts to another without transition, usually meant to startle the audience (thanks wiki, so eloquent). Smash cuts can be applied anywhere. For example, I’m watching figure skating by myself right now while finger blasting my B-hole. I have dank B-hole pleasuring skills by the way, and if this were a movie it would be perfect for some ill smash cutting. Say the movie is about this male figure skater I’m watching right now (he’s part of a male/female pair). NBC has just shown his wife and talked about her a little bit. If there was a movie about their lives. It would show the wife eating supper by herself. A single tear running down her cheek because she’s sad and alone. The scene would then smash cut to the male figure skating husband exercising his well seasoned power bottoming skills. In other words, a smash cut to him getting B-hole fucked. It would probably be called “I Married a Homo.”
So anyways, here is a picture that Glads took from the other night. I don’t have a picture of the passed out victim pre being douched by a mountain of furniture, So I just have a picture of Lobster Dog that I stole from filmdrunk. Smash cut to a passed out asshole imprisoned under a lawn chair, a gaming chair, a recliner, and two doors. I realize this is less effective in picture form, but if you don’t like it go luge in Vancouver or something.

In summary, smash cuts are tone and luging is dangerous.

Everyone loves origin stories. Just like Patton Oswalt says, “If you love Angelina Jolie, you’ll really love Jon Voight’s nut sack.” Haha, cause you see, that would be really far back. Way too far to be a reasonable origin story. Anyways, since there will literally be singles reading this blog, I figured I would explain to everyone the origin of tonejumpoff.com. So here’s the story: I was in my van finger blasting four chicks at once, and I said to myself, I should buy the domain name tonejumpoff.com because that would be fucking dank. Just kidding, none of that happened. In addition to that, i stole that whole finger blasting four chicks story from the movie Hesher starring JGL.
But really, the point of this blog is to document tone things that happen in the world, whether it be dogs bark-battling in Italy, meeting Father Munchencunt at the Vu, jean vests, Chicago trips, teen wolf or anything that Hyon says. I just want to make sure I have documentation of tone things. Especially when I cant remember anything because I’ve gone retarded from all of the whippets I’ve done. To be honest I’m a little scared to do this. I don’t want to forfeit my spot as fourth funniest person I know. I don’t have much for credentials. I don’t have a butthole, my penis is 85% head, and I’ve fucked single of girl. But I’m going to put a lot of effort into this. There will probably be a lot of typos, blood, and tone on the floor when this is all said and done.

Alright well, I’ve said too much. Please read these posts. Ben has been way too loyal checking the site every day to see if I’ve posted anything. I’ll probably get an email account rolling in conjunction with this site. Something like petehatesblowjobs.tone.smoovebert.luv.toneluv.AAiiidancing.boots@something.com so you can send me sexy pics.

Please leave comments. The tone stories will come soon. I want to apologize in advance for stories you may have heard, and also my future use of the word cunt (Maybe it would be safer for work if I wrote c**t or c*** or c*nt or *unt or **** or maybe *u**, there is literally an infinite number of ways to write that. LOL, jk, there really isn’t =) ) I know this site won’t be as good as Smoovebert’s page, but bear with me. Be loyal. I love you.