Tonejumpoff

While I was at my weekly class for improving my ability to be a dank-ass hipster, I came to a realization. Anthropomorphism is really funny–more so with animals, less so with the spilled blood of children. Dogs using crutches, sunflowers shaving off their five o’clock shadows, laser guns playing Dance Dance Revolution, it’s all comedy gold. In the beautiful picture above, the lowly anti-Semite is discussing the ransom of his fillet-o-fish with the guileful headset dog. Now that’s tone.
So anyway, the point of this fucking site was to document tone things. So here are some highlights from the past couple days. Feel free to add on in the comments section. I will love you more for it.

1. Glads recently spent 1500$ on food and alcohol in eight days. I didn’t hang with him on Saturday, but I think it’s safe to say that the total came to 2K. This included 80$ worth of Super America food, followed by 45$ worth of taco bell a half hour later. This amount of irresponsibility is something to be admired and praised, because most people aren’t this blatantly retarded.

2. This past weekend I was at a beach party. There was a bunch of sand and stuff. It was kinda tight.

3. “Amityville 1992: It’s About Time” is the sixth installment of the Amityville horror series. It’s about a clock from the original Amityville house that causes a family to go crazy once it’s placed on the family’s mantle. The movie is called Amityville 1992: IT’S ABOUT TIME, and it’s about a fucking clock. That’s the most fucking literal movie title of all time. It takes so much fucking tone to have your movie about a clock and have “It’s About Time” in the title. See ya the fuck later. That like having a movie about time travel called “The Time Traveler’s Wife: It’s about time…travel.” Jezuz Krihst I can’t get over how funny that is.

So those were the only three tone things I could think of from recently. I have kind of a shitty memory since all I really care about is Culvers.

So the Tone Challenge Series was a reasonable success. I think it’s safe to assume all comments were 100% true, kind of like all of Berk’s stories. Bonus points to JesusCums, I mean JesusShits, for making fun of Korean Jesus freaks. And yes, you’re right, I am completely out of ideas for this blog. JK. That’s impossible because there are people doing tone things every day. And I haven’t even reached the point in which I tell everyone stories they’ve heard from Glads and Steven literally billions of times. And I’m kidding when I used literally incorrectly. Someone who’s not kidding when she uses literally incorrectly is a girl I work with. According to her, she literally drowned in homework last week. Wrong cunt, you didn’t fucking drown.
Well anyway, I learned what a circle jerk was today. I had some of the essential components correct. I knew that it was composed of a circle of dudes. The part I was wrong about was with whose wiener you were stroking. I was under the impression that you were supposed to j-off the person to your immediate right (not the left, what the fuck do you think this is, homo?). But what I learned on the Adam Carolla Podcast with special guest host Greg Fitzsimmons today was that a circle jerk involved no homosexual contact. It’s just a bunch of dodes throwing their own B’s. There’s no help from your fellow Bro Lieberman. Not that it makes it not gay as hell. On the spectrum of homo, it’s more Ryan Seacrest than it is Elton John.
Well enough talk about beating off with your friends. I know I’m getting Anteater Pete all hot and bothered. By the way, the pics were stolen from another site again. But I think these are especially good. I mean, come on, who likes Hitler. And a teen wolf pug, that’s comedy gold. BTW, how was the FBI not contacted in the Teen Wolf movie? There’s a werewolf crushing ass on the basketball court and there’s no news coverage. If I were Obama, that would be on the top of my list for things I need to know about.

So I’m gonna try something a little different. I’ve invented something called the Tone Challenge Series. Here are the rules: there are no rules. BOOM. No but seriously, I like when people leave comments, so here’s a chance to get a little interactive. I’m gonna name a coupe of tone things. Then in the comments section, you guys list a few things that are also tone. Bonus points if you have taken part of the listed item. Now I’ve put absolutely no thought into this, so I like the chances of this going really poorly. Except for the fact that EarthIsGay is loyal, so I expect at least one comment. So here we go. I have a couple I’ve thought of lately, and some others I’ve thought have been hilarious since the beginning of time.

1.Going to the dentist. This isn’t tone. Going to the dentist 2 minutes after you finished 10 Oreos. Now that’s tone. Think about it!!!! Can you imagine how much shit would be all over your teeth. It would be fucking absurd. Your dentist’s head would fucking implode. It would be like shitting your pants on the way to your asshole laser hair removal.
2.Shitting your pants on the way to your asshole laser hair removal. I can’t even imagine how much trouble the laser would have with all that poop in the way.
3.Watching the Tonight Show with Jay Leno without gouging your eyes out.

Alright bitches, it’s your turn. Unfortunately I haven’t done any of the three things I listed. So here’s your chance to shine. Put on your partici-skinny jeans and leave some seriously sexy tone filled comments. Once again, I stole the above pic from filmdrunk.