Tonejumpoff

So here’s the deal, skating is fucking awesome. So naturally Ashley and I have decided to make a bet on our sub par skating skillz. The challenge: complete a kickflip. This idea came from DJ Smoovbert who, according to facebook, is in a challenge involving skateboards and bmx bikes. With his bet the loser has to go vegan for a month. Here’s where you guys come in (all 7 of you). We need to figure out the stakes of the bet. In order to have some motivation we need something good. If you have a reasonable suggestion leave it in the comments section. But here’s the deal, don’t be a fucking loser. Whoever loses isn’t going to suck anyone’s dick or receive a blowjob from a homeless guy. We need suggestion that we would both agree upon, like the whole vegan for a month thing. That’s a reasonable bet. I thought of a couple of things that I think are reasonable or kind of funny. Time lengths are arbitrary at this point.

1.Loser has to change their name on facebook to Rahn Dog for a year.
2.Loser has to wear a crew neck sweatshirt that is cut off above the navel every weekend for a month.
3.Loser has to watch the Tonight Show for a month and take meticulous notes regarding every joke and every guest.
4.Loser has to watch Law and Order: SVU… oh wait. Ashley already watches that garbage.
5.Loser has to walk backwards everywhere for a week.
6.Loser gets killed.

So there you have it. Have tone and leave some good ideas for bets. Oh and I forgot to mention that Sammy is joining the bet. So I guess you can reread every as “losers have” instead of “loser has.”

Have you guys heard the song “Every Girl” where Lil Wayne says “I wish I could fuck every girl in the world.” Have you ever thought about how funny this is? This means that Lil Wayne wants to fuck EVERY girl in the world. How many people are on earth? Like 6.7 billion, so that means there are roughly 3.35 billion women he wants to fuck. And I’m not criticizing him for wanting to cram a bunch of girls. That’s totally fine. But what if he decided do start with the .0012’s and then worked his way up to the 10’s. He would easily be cramming 3 billion disgusting bitches. That’s years upon years of fucking girls with downs syndrome, girls with no legs, girls with traffic cones for arms, girls who got their faces eaten by monkeys, really really really fat girls, girls who have scorpions for eyes, girls who lost their vaginas in barn fires, tubgirls, girls with weird volcano buttholes that are in shock site videos, 2 girls one cup, girls with penises, and worst of all-girls with bad eyebrows. Now that’s tone. Because I would probably start from the top, I’d fuck the ten hottest women in the world and then kill myself. It takes sooooo much tone to want to fuck every girl in the world.

Couple of tone shout outs for y’all.
1. AAiii and BootsIsTone (maybe Boots herself participated too, I didn’t ask) got chopped with their parents and went to Hot Tub Time Machine. This is so awesome my boner almost detached from my body.
2. GayEarth and I went to two fast food restaurants in one trip on Tuesday night. This isn’t especially tone, but the loyalty levels are off the charts.
3. The theme of this past weekend was 90s NBA players. Scott and I would ask random people on the street who their favorite 90s basketball players were. The most common pick was Michael Jordan followed by Scottie Pippen. These are totally fine picks… if you’ve had a lobotomy. BOOM. No but really, you’re fucking stupid if that’s your answer. Anyway, we asked one guy who his favorite player was. He said that he didn’t watch basketball. So we asked him what his favorite sport was. His answer- Karate. Our response, “Ok, what’s your favorite 90s karate all-star?” HIS ANSWER, “Uhhh, I dunno.” This homeless asshole got to pick the category and he still couldn’t think of anybody. He then asked us for a dollar because he “was a dollar short for a six pack.” TONE

As always, holla back in the comments section.

So I’ve been mode as fuck lately. I wish I could attribute it to the obscene number of spit hand jobs/vagina hand jobs I’ve been receiving. But sadly that number is a staggering zero. Good news though, I will continue my blistering pace of one post a week starting now.
Also, I anticipate the upcoming posts to be sexxy as fuuuck. So sexy in fact, that I recommend females who read these posts to wear a diaper. Otherwise we could have Katrina 2 on our hands from all of the excessively wet snatches. Those levees can only handle so much. Keep the comments coming. They give me power, like Christopher Reeves and embryonic stem cells/abortions.

Love,
Mark Admin-ing-ton