Manbeartone was one of my eyedeas for a lip tattoo five months ago when I was really gung ho about getting my lip tattooed. Luckily the urge to get my lip tattooed subsided and now I only want to get a tandem bicycle tattooed on a dry region of my body. So obviously not my butt hole, that gets wet just thinking about Red Vines. Someone suggested having the tonej-off community vote on who will be riding the tandem bike. I’m into that, but only if all of the suggestions are Abe Lincoln or two invisible Abe Lincolns.
Anyway, I was watching True Life: Newlyweds, and I suddenly became really interested in people who wait until marriage to stuff. Me personally, I like to know the girl for at least 45 seconds before I show her my cock. I know about the whole soaking thing with Mormons. But I’m talking about those motherfuckers who REALLY wait to make sexy time before marriage. Like people so afraid of zombie jesus they don’t even heavily pet each other’s genitals through a snuggie. On the show there was a newlywed couple who had waited until marriage and claimed that they had baller-ass sex on their wedding night. There’s no fucking way their sex was any less awkward than two people with extremely severe spinal cord injuries playing twister. If I had to wait until marriage to cram, I would shoot my nut out like a power washer
.0000000000000000000000000000000000000001 seconds after insertion. But anyway, someone should do a documentary about people who waited until their wedding night to have sex. And not the way MTV did it. I want them to describe their techniques in excruciating detail. These people should reference Kramer’s storytelling and vagina drawing abilities for examples. Now that would be interesting.
In related news, I think Engs is going to do a guest blog spot. That is, if he can find time in his grueling 15 hour a week work schedule. But maybe not, fucking christ I don’t know.
You’re right, I am pretty busy trying to break my number-of-tugs-in-a-day record. I’ll have to guest blog next week after another epic gathering in Eau Claire because all I really recall from last time was cinder block toss, furniture burn, explosives in house, glass shatter, and tomato throw.
Thanks Justice DVD. . .
Can someone plz remind me of Steven’s record for number-of-tugs-in-a-day? I really want to say it’s seven. If I’m right, that for sure needs to be honored in the tonejumpoff hall of fame. Coincidentally the tonejumpoff hall of fame only has three first ballot members like the Dirty 30 hall of fame. And like the Dirty 30 hall of fame, that list includes me, Michael Berry, and Jim H.
Seven is correct. It wasn’t as fun as you might think.
Dude, I avoided this post like herpes because you told me you gave away half of the series finale to L O S T in it, I’m glad I got drunk and read it anyway only to find there were no L O S T spoilers anywhere. Anyway, my picks for the tandem bike tat: The Terminator (at the end of Terminator 2: Judgement Day, when he is all war torn and half of his robot head is showing) and Jeff Goldblum.
LoL Sammy, I was JKing you about the lost spoilers.
http://twitpic.com/1so0ga
needs more updates