Let me start by apologizing for being so fucking lazy lately. I know everybody gets the Madison Pete shakes when they don’t get their TJO fix, and that’s justified. Where else can you go to get 3rd grade level writing with pictures stolen from other websites? No where, that’s where. Anyway, lots has happened since the last post. Little of which I can remember because I was darkside through it all. Two things I do remember saying were “My dick is pierced, wanna come home with me?” and “I prefer really beat up pussies.” I could explain the circumstances and results of both situations, but it’s probably better to let your imagination run wild.
Since I don’t really remember too much, I want to bring up something that made me laugh by myself on the car ride home from Madison: Last year for Berk’s birthday, Berk had his parents bring him to the circus. Now this may not sound that funny. But when you think about it, the most circus human I know made his parents bring him to the circus on his 23rd birthday.
Now I don’t like talking about myself too much on here because I do that enough in my normal life. Plus my dick is tiny and my ass hole is as big as Madison Pete’s word hole. But I was recently looking at my bank statement and something occured to me, I’m a fucking glutton. Here are my last thirty or so purchases. (I would just do a screen shot of my wells fargo account, but I would probably accidentally give away my account numbers and Rolo would steal my identity. So you’ll have to take my word that these are ALL of the purchases I’ve made in the past couple of days.)
These are starting from my most recent purchase.
Subway-2.94$
Steak Escape-8.47$(premier loyalty)
ExxonMobile-5.47$ (loyalty)
ExxonMobile-24.78$ (loyalty)
McDonaldsMadison-5.35$
McDonaldsMadison 5.26$
SilverMineMadison-7.79$
touchtunesX2-5$ each (the churchkey music player)
Walgreens-9.37$
touchtunes-5.00$
Qdoba-8.63$
ATM withdrawal-100$
BagelsForever-5.00$
Touchtunes-10$
Subway-8.81$
KwikTrip-24.45$
McDonalds-3.84$
Subway-2.94$
Holiday-19.87$
TGIFridays-12$
PizzaLuce-31.60$
ATM withdrawal-40$
Subway-2.94$
McDonalds-3.84$
Holiday-4.09$
Ticketmaster-34.42$
McDonalds-3.84$
McDonalds-3.84$
McDonalds-4.18$
Culvers-6.63$
Holiday-10.18$
Chipotle-10.45$
KwikTrip-10.68$
Chipotle-16.99$ (I have no idea how I spent this much at Chipotle)
So there you have it. A completely unedited look at my spending habits. If you don’t believe me go to the wells fargo website yourself. My username is Mark69-69-420 and my password is iheartbeatpussies.
In response to the last Chipotle purchase: 1 burrito for Mark + 1 burrito for Steve + 1 bland is the new awesome burrito= $16.99
Triple McD’s and replace it with Manicures, double ATM and change it to “Dealer,” and remove the decimal point on the rest of the charges and change them to Clothes and Booze and you pretty much have my monthly statement
Oh snap, I totally forgot about the all rice burrito. Those things are only 1.60$, gotta like that shit. That means that these purchases are from June 5th to June 12th. Good to know.
Also I would totally be getting manicures and shit like that too, but I’m in a race with the 400 pound woman on my floor to see who can get diabetes first.
One other thing. I get so much McDonalds and Subway, I am able to look at the price of my purchase and tell what I got. For instance, 3.84 at McDonalds is an egg mcmuffin and a hashbown and 2.94 at Subway is a Western and Cheese flatbread with southwest sauce and salt/pepper. 6.63 at Culvers is a double deluxe butter burger combo, and 31.60 at Pizza Luce is me paying for Hans’ dumbass because he’s poor.
My statement is pretty much the same, except add about 10 $60+ Taco bell orders, 6 80+ Super America orders, and 45 $500+ Wild Bills orders….
oh and 1-2 daily deal website purchase a week
So Glads, you’re saying you spend roughly 22.5K at Wild Bills a month? Yeah I guess that makes sense. You are known in that community.
They have a bed in back for Gladsy er time. Also I maintain that the funniest part about the purchase list is the fact that there are multiple touch tunes credit purchases. Loyalty to not listening to shit.
Don’t Steak Escapes only exist in malls? Were you in a mall? Weird.
Nothing can express how jealous I am about your Bagels Forever charge.
Pfft, I would never go to a mall. This steak escape happened to be in a Taco Johns. Holla at a Rochester location!!! Holla holla holla holla.
TGI Fridays. Sorry ’bout it.
Yes, I do spend 22.5k a month at Wild Bills… I have taken out several loans against my house and also sell myself to large girls immediately after receiving their right hook to my face… Hey mark isn’t that the skinny girl you like?