So on the way downtown Saturday afternoon there was a slight traffic issue. A rogue keg had fallen out of the back of a trailer carrying other beer kegs. It had rolled across three lanes and by my car. Glads was screaming for me to stop, being that he’s an alcoholic, but I was dis and didn’t. One would think that we were doomed to a shitty night because we didn’t get the free keg. False. Several tone things happened over the course of the night. And I’m going to share them now so everyone feels bad that they weren’t with us.
The night started out with us at The Local for a meal. Then we got a hotel. The end. Jk. But for realziez, we went to a comedy show. It was so cool. They were all telling like jokes and shit. And I was all like ha ha and hoy hoy. And everyone else was like “yeah this is so funny hoy hoy hoy hoy hoy.” No, but for real, after the show we went to our hotel. And because we’re the glutton crew, we got the room on the executive floor with the FREE CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST. Yeah buddy, sorry ‘bout it. So anyway, Glads took a dump and ended up clogging the toilet. But we didn’t know he clogged the toilet until Scotty took a piss and came out laughing saying that piss water was flooding the bathroom. Scotty has tone because instead of shutting the water off, he came out to tell us there was piss water everywhere. Sorry ‘bout it. Also we smoked in our room without being entirely sure that it was a smoking room. Well after ruining the room we went out. Then we got wasted. I made out with the bachelorette at her bachelorette party. Her roommate texted me later calling me a home wrecker. Which, in a sick way, I was proud of. After that we went back to the hotel. Glads called the girl who used to work at gameworks , and who Berked had fucked back when she was fat(ter). She came over and Glads and her went to go get food. Glads then purchased 60$ worth of food, only to pass out in Gameworks fatty’s car. So fast forward to the morning and we’re all driving home. While on our way back, we see a bicycle rider cruising in the bike lane. I drive up next to him and Glads grabs him ass. The biker then screams “WHOA!!” which was fucking great.
Anyway, I wrote this post almost a week ago but was too lazy to post it, so if anything sounds weird, that’s why. Also I tried to get invited to the wedding of the bachelorette I made out with. But the wedding was on Saturday and that’s when I got the brilliant idea to try to be her roommate’s date. Fuck.
*note* When I read this post to myself this morning I realized how much I’ve regressed as a writer over the past 6 months.
Reading this actually made me a little bit sad because I forgot about the keg and realized how much better of a story it would have been if we stopped on the interstate to grab the it. I also just realized that our group of friends is almost exclusively motivated by the possibility of telling the story about the ruckus as shit we do.