It’s rat kid’s birthday today. If you’re confused who rat kid is, the tonejumpoff community knows him more as vagina-anal-blaster. I’m celebrating his emergence from his mom’s cunt by writing all of his stories that he’s told me a million times on a piece of paper over and over. More specifically the one-armed handshake story, the lumberjack days story, why the twins are better than the brewers, and the time he told his orthodontist fuck you. I actually really like the orthodontist story, but I’ve still heard it a bunch of times. Anyway, I love the rat kid. I go to sleep every night thinking about his teeth and his extremely impressive soft wiener. So in his honor, list your favorite story you’ve heard Rat Boy say a million times (in the comments section). I realize this really only caters to I Shit in Coffee Pots, EarthIs((n’t)not)Gay, Jesus(eats)Shits, and Half-white-half-mode. If you don’t know Fireball Rat Kid, just make a story up.
He once laughed at a guy who had just told us that his sister was dead. He said that a girl referred to facebook as facepile when she actually said myface. he made up the facepile thing because he thought it was funnier and it made for a better story. He once threatened to beat up about 25 13 year olds at a taco bell. One time he ate 5 brats in one sitting. In 8th grade I called him gay so many times that he started to walk home only to return because it was raining (sorry ’bout that one). The first time a girl reverse cowgirled him he thought his dick was going to fall off. One time Admin-Homewrecker and I put an over under on the volume of his TV at 50. it was at 49. One time he picked up dog shit then accidently licked his fingers. He owns L O S T seasons 1-5 on dvd and he has watched them all 3 times through. He got into a fight with a big guy and while he was trying to single leg him he sang in his head “All the single legs, all the single legs” in the tune of that Beyonce song.
Dude, we take the piss out of you a lot but I honestly couldn’t ask for a better friend. I love you and happy birthday.
(fart joke)
The one about him licking his fingers after picking up the dog shit made me LoL in front of everyone at work. I actually don’t give a fuck about him, and that’s why i make fun of him so much.
haha. Dude, you forgot about the time that we all got together on the roof of a hotel in vegas before our friend’s wedding and made a toast, but one of our friends spiked our drinks with roofalin and we lost track of the night, and one of our friends. Then, the next morning while trying to piece together the previous nights shenanigans and find our friend, we got into a bunch of trouble with like a tiger and mike tyson and we found out our other friend got married. That was a great weekend.
What about the time when he lost at NFL Blitz to a kid with cancer and reminded the kid that he had cancer, or the time when he went home with a girl whilst darkside and woke up in the bathroom then snuck out terrified about what may have happened because he had terrible diarrhea that night, or when his family was watching someones dog and his dogs double teamed the other dog, or any story from summer stretch, track, or Madison
Oh man, or when he shit himself while playing a game with his family and played it off like it was just a nasty fart until everyone forgot then went downstairs and threw his underwear away.